Letter to the Unknown Reader - Series 1 : Lazy life

 Hello dearest Reader,

Hope you had good week and enjoying your weekend break from the daily humdrum. Weekends feel special, at least for some of us as we tend to stop negotiating our lives with the running clock. Otherwise the days of our lives are so tuned to match those two stick like caricatures rushing around that face of clock, that we conveniently forget to savour living this life.

Though weekends do bring with it a pile of personal work which has been cast aside in a rush hour mayhem, the good thing is, they can be done at a more human pace than the usual jet set speed. I’m writing this, sprawled on the living room sofa, in my slouchiest, drudgery of a night dress. The colour of which has faded with time -  from moss green to splayed decaying greyish green. However, it is by far, the most comfortable, no nonsense piece I have in my wardrobe. Our four- legged grandson Mithai, is in equally lazy mode, sleeping just beneath the sofa. Comfortably resting his dreamy head on my pair of  loud pink slippers. And I can hear my son singing his wolf tune ( I can’t catch the words) but sounds like shrill howling of the wolves on a full moon night, perpetuated by weirder noises on his study desk. I suppose his pencils are playing the role of drumsticks today. By now, you can understand why the undertone of today’s musing are for obvious reasons, lazy.

As I have inched toward mid-life, I was amazed as to how delusional is the portrayal of concept of midlife crisis in our literature, writing and tv shows. In actuality, all the crises that haunted us , the women, throughout our lives actually vanishes when you reach this pinnacle of mid-life. You have resolved almost all of your problems, by only one brilliant magical statement - You Care A Damn!. 

By now, you know what looks good on you, what makeup suits you, how to do your hair, how to be your gorgeous self and most of all if someone doesn’t like it, You Care A Damn! You know where your career is taking you. Please note, home makers are also professionals in their own fields. You know how to manage your show, please your clients, work with people in your team, do upwards, downward and sideward management, to manage time, to deliver, to know when to let go and when to fight back. And most of all you know when to Care A Damn! Your husband, children, relatives, elders in your family, by now knows you. For sure, they have adapted to your idiosyncrasies, knows your crankiness, indulges your madness and have seen you at your best and worst. Most of all they have given up on any aspirations of changing you to what they think is the right version and knows in their heart that pushing you will not yield any results as You Care A Damn! At least after a point! Also by now you have collated like minded tribe of “I Care A Damn” set of folks who live and thrive with you in your seemingly mad journey of a life.

So this weekend my dear Reader I’m thriving by not doing a thing. Writing my life, which by far seems quite interesting to me. The biggest adventures are embarked on inside your head. My motionless morning is being spent looking at the azure blue sky, sparkling in the October sun. I’m lazily scrolling through all my lost love, my travels both past and future, planning my bonsai structures and my endless wisps of childhood memories in my head. I’m enjoying the sun, the heat, the silence of nothingness, the just being in existence mode of a beautiful life.

If you get a chance, do spend a day doing nothing, caring a damn about the world around you, just being happy with yourself. Enjoy being the Star in your life. Know that the cacophony which we call our world exists because you exist. When you’re not there, this world will cease for you. See you on the other side of the week.

Always your,

Pocket full of life

Letter to the Unknown Reader Series 1 - Way to the heart is through the stomach

 Dearest Reader, 

Hope you’re keeping well. A few weeks hiatus was because my brother came down to my town to pay his hallowed visit. He is a phenomena. He’s quirky and witty almost as good as me but can’t do better. Loves himself and lives life king size. His affinity for a good drink and delicacies rubs off to any unsuspecting human being. He has a propensity to take you on a whirl of a ride and you can’t help but laugh your lungs out as he embraces complicacies of life with an elan of well honed magician. He will make you believe his outrageous stories, can justify seven murder and robbery with a fluidity of a lawyer and can sell that elusive ice to the even more elusive Eskimo with proficiency of a practiced salesman.

When you have such a personality visiting your home, you can be rest assured that your table will be laid heavy with good food and great conversation. To add to his unlimited list of skills, he’s a fantastic cook, and can rustle up a Lamb Biriyani good for the nawabs.During his visit ge graced us with his yummilicious Biriyani which was cooked slowly through half a day. My weak digestion and Mumbai fitness wisdom was swished aside as we indulged in his culinary creations. And ofcourse as siblings always do, even in their fortys, I had to try and out do him in the kitchen. 

So out came my well honed kitchen skills, smoothed to perfection during the Covid years. From famed Hilsa in mustard sauce, to the Prawn malaikari all arsenal was unleashed to sashay my but obvious better skills in the kitchen. One good part of getting old together as siblings is that you kind of stop underplaying the other and tend to appreciate each other more. Thank God for that, we both lapped up our home cooked food like starved soul.

Siblings generally are partners in crime and we are definitely a true blue pair of as thick as thieves could be. Our banters and free advices and standing by each other and being happy for each other, of being scared shit when life hits any one of us hard are laced with a love which has stood the test of time and have aged like a fine wine. And hence when we come together it’s a complete riot. Late night ‘adda’ ( chats) over kebabs platter, long drives to reach a good destinations, taking every possible chance to crack up on silliest things made the week memorable to say the least.

Now for sure Reader dear, you can forgive my absence in the world of writing letters. I was busy living life, to create stories so that I can share with you. If you by chance have a sibling like I do, or may  be cousins ( I’m as close to them as my own) do catch up with them. Relieve your childhood, indulge in silly laughs and late night chats. They are the only people besides your parents  who have seen through your silly days, your disastrous fashion days, your sleepless heartbreak days and your first crush days. They know your battles and struggles, your follies and weaknesses and still love you fiercely enough to shield you with their heart. 

As you dance along your life, don’t forget your partners in crime. They are in actuality your 4 am friends. Nurture and enjoy the bond. You will always have your bunch who will laugh sitting around the fire during your autumn days. And don’t forget to cook deliciousness in your lives. The way to the heart surely is through the stomach, whether you cook it, or order through a delivery app or visit the restaurants and food joints in your town.

Always yours,

Pocket full of life

Letter to the Unknown Reader Series 1 : Mayhems are beautiful

 Hello dearest Reader,

Hope you’re doing well and thriving in your individual lives. I’m on my ride of daily roller coaster of a life and always look forward to welcoming weekend.  Here routines are broken and doing nothing seems like a great accomplishment. I was musing as I thought over this weekend’s blog as to what prompted me to include Series 1 in this blog title. Am I dreaming of a Series 2 or a 3, like hindi movie sequel? Am I over ambitious and have such faith in my imagination that I believe I can churn out weekly blogs year after year? It was hilariously theatrical to look at my bloated ego from a distance and I couldn’t stop laughing at the incredulity of the idea.

I’m a working mom. Have a teenager and his four legged son to take care at home. Oh I forgot about the husband, he too needs to be mollycoddled enough. God has made me ambitious, and God knows why? Did He not ever think of work life balance? No body shared illuminating thoughts about how multitasking is no more the fad. And he creates a woman who wants to run a home like Martha’s Vineyard videos but also have to climb … errr, claw in a thriving career. Career thriving or not, I’m not so sure. But I’m absolutely sure that I have to thrive in this career as it allows me to pay my bills. So there you go… a living oxymoron, a home body who loves his career, an introvert who loves to travel and meet newer worlds, basically a woman who’s a contradiction in herself.If such is the woman, how on earth her weekend will be sane and picturesque. So my weekend was filled with melodramatic mayhem. 

A husband who flew to hometown for a few days had to be dropped to the airport. Not sure if anyone will resonate , at times it’s a sigh of relief when boys who you have to take care off goes out of the city. Gives you a break. Specially for me, as I thrive when I’m alone. I need my silence, my space, my nothingness to feel alive. Crazy me!! 

Following the airport drop, I had to go to my most favourite destination - Doctors chamber. And as luck would have it, this particular Doctor sat in Room number unlucky 13. And of course as such intricate working of destiny will have it, the OPD reception told the Doctor’s assistant about waiting patient (me) and she conveniently forgot. Which resulted in me running after the Doctor,  chasing him down to his car, getting my check up done finally, just in front of the hospital lobby, panting and gasping for air. Guess what was the check up all about??? Migraine!!! Solution for migraine was identified amongst a situation which can give any normal person a headache of sorts.

After my hospital tryst, I visited a Saree exhibition. For the uninitiated readers, Durga Puja is round the corners. And like any true blooded Bengali, the Divine Goddess resides in my heart months before the actual celebrations. She skilfully instigates us to splurge on everything which is traditional, beautiful, costly and beyond means. In the name of these hallowed five days of festivities, we, like hypnotised kiddies give in to buying all that catches our fancy and turn a pauper even before Puja actually kick starts. Saying it, it makes the women bond. I caught up with one of my neighbours and video called another giggling and discussing our loot over shared video calls  and messaging groups. It’s such a beautiful feeling to see how we all connect and be happy for each other’s happiness.

Finally as my husband traversed thousand kilometres to land in Kolkata I traversed fifty odd of them in the city of Mumbai and landed back home. Satiated like happy sunflowers.

As I enjoyed my sushi with my son, watching a delectable mythical folklore movie named Slumberland, I saw my happy four legged furball Mithai tearing apart newspapers and Amazon boxes in welcoming glee. But then at times mayhems are also magical, very like the movie we saw. If you can, do watch it on Netflix. Young and adult it’s for dreamers. Like us.

Hope you keep dreaming and enjoying your very own mayhem magic. See you again on the other side of the week. Till then…

Always your,

Pocket full of life

Letter to the Unknown Reader Series 1 - From the sea

 Hello dearest Reader,

Nice to meet you all again at the other end of week. Before we all kickoff another adventurous week ahead, let me share this month’s newest activity which I could include in my repertoire. It was one of the most wonderful feeling. I did enjoy after the tedious routine of our day to day.

My wonderful husband’s birthday fell right in the middle of the week and like most of us, middle aged couples with years of marriage behind us, neither of us wanted to indulge in a mid week celebration, storing to stir up some storm over the weekend.

The birthday gift to the birthday boy was stay in Alibaug, a quaint seaside village over the weekend. Also we wanted to experience the often talked, newest addition to the city of Mumbai, fondly called RoRo. These are huge boats which ferries cars and passengers from Princess Dock of Mumbai to Mandwa Jetty near Alibag. 

It was too much fun to have the car crawl into the belly of this small ship. As we disembarked from the car and climbed the deck, the rolling sea, the cloudy, drizzly August sky welcomed us. As the vessel left port, the lapping sea divided and lapped at its skirts as we lolled towards Mandwa. It’s hard to explain how the colourful boats and water vessels of all shapes and sizes can awaken the child in you. It was blissful to surrender to the dance of the waves, the roll of the ship, the grey clouds floating by, indulging in thoughts which only belong to you.

As we reached Mandwa, we again boarded the car and sped towards the resort which was to host us for the weekend. Raddison over the years had turned out to be our favourite. The property itself was sprawling and beautiful. Its proximity to Varsoli beach was an added boon. I was in august company with my August born boys accompanying me. We strolled around in the beach soaking our feet and our hearts into the love dripping nature, as the fingers of the Gods blessed the coast with its golden lights.

The sunset cast a web of magic, as the emerald greens of the place kissed the evening softly. The narrow roads looked quiet and calm as they laced through the small villages dotting the coast. As we indulged in good food, raucous laughter, books and silence, we bonded as family in its cosiest forms.

Our tired hearts, lived a happy weekend and headed back to our nest where our beloved Mithai waited for us, not too happy at being left behind in this adventure. If you get a chance, do try out something new over any spare weekend you have.  Smell the greens, inhale a lung full of  sea salty air, let you hair blow in the monsoon wind as you stroll without having a destination in mind, nor any time to keep, just being around your own.

Always yours,

Pocket full of life

Letter to the Unknown Reader Series 1 - Peace of mind

 Dearest Reader,

Hope you’re keeping well. My week had dollops of calm thrown in and I realised, that peace is something which you do not search externally, it is nothing but a state of mind. It is unbelievable how in the frenetic pace of this city called Mumbai, we are chasing our elusive dreams of God know what and running a race against time. It is in these crazy moments, we feel breathless and exhausted in the murky waters of vicious cycle of life.

When your tired heart needs a respite, catch a day which has no agenda. No ‘To do’ list,  no household chores, nothing specific to complete, just be. I have realised, that the best days of our lives were the lazy childhood afternoons spent during our vacation doing nothing or indulging in whatever caught our fancy. If we can replicate those childhood nothingness, our body and mind heaves a sigh of relief. Just to watch the cloud float by, in azure blue sky, or the rippling leaves catching the sunlight or just watching the white fluttering cranes forming a V and flying past to some unknown destination, the soothing fingers if Mother Nature kissing you to sleep. I have often spent hrs seeing two lone eagles flying high up in the sky. Swaying and gliding past each other, engaged in their own games. It got me peace, dollops of them, like a cooling ice cream on a hot summer day.

I gently hold on to them, my free source of guilty pleasure. Keep them close to heart. The free spirit which thrives inside the shell of a body, dances in glee in the dappled moonlight that seeps through skyscrapers and sheathes the green patch of Arey that hugs our back wall. As the lone cuckoo sings in mirth in the moonshine, I live my oneness with the Universe. Enjoying the ride.

So dearest reader, find out the calm, snatch away your peace from the hectic urban life you lead. You may find it in the nuzzle of your pet, the pages of the bed side book you’re reading, on a fallen flower or the teary sunlight amidst mad monsoon. Live it slow and relish every passing minute of these precious time. These makes live worth living.

Always yours,

Pocket full of life

Letter to the Unknown Reader Series I - So be it

 Dearest Reader,

At times prose takes backseat as words don’t come with cohesiveness of a sensible flow. So here I go -

Your happiness is contagious

 And I’m dying inside. 

Your priorities are glaring 

And I’m blinded by them. 

Your life is complete 

While mine remains empty. 

You live life 

And I die death. 

You embrace 

And I let go. 

You smile 

And I shed lonely tears. 

You walk towards your rainbow horizon of dreams 

And I tread the path of dreamless darkness. 

Your heart is filled with hope 

And mine has despair written all over. 

You are a déjà vu which 

I don’t want to relive,

But I have to bear the burden of. 

You are a life lesson, I had already learnt 

And need not repeat.

Shielding myself from the pain, 

Cause your smile will always hold hands 

With my tears,

Such a company I‘d like to avoid. 

I knew this will happen,

Yet hoped for something else. 

I knew it was never meant to be, 

But prayed that it manifests. 

My heart was forever broken 

And soul was empty of life, 

Yet the pain of another falling piece, 

Did hurt a thousand times more….

Re-dying was not as effortless 

As I thought it would be.

Our paths crossed,

But never became one. 

And the gut wrenching pain it inflicted, 

Was like a thousand sins burning you alive. 

You will go your way 

And I will walk mine. 

I will pray fervently, 

Life doesn’t bring us face to face ever. 

I don’t want my remains to watch 

Its destruction again. 

And so she went her way and he his. Star crossed lovers, may they rest in peace.

Always yours,

Pocket full of life

Letter to the Unknown Reader Series 1 - Story of Living and Dying

 Hello dearest Reader,

I’m back again with another of my reminiscences. Two year back, on such a lovely late afternoon, I had my tryst with destiny. A part of me died but I survived because of some blessed soul who breathed his last, but kept a piece of him living inside me. I got a liver which saved my life and my doner gave away his to save mine.

Few things I understood that day after living through a 14 hour long surgery, surviving is difficult, death is inevitable and happiness is a choice. Every breath I have taken since I came out of the OT on the fated 11th August, had been spent on embracing the life lessons. I realised that if I have been given a new lease of life, I must have some purpose to fulfill in the world, and if not for anyone else, at least for that person who couldn’t live but granted me life, I should be living with a vengeance in its fullest glory.

I try to end my day with a clean heart, which did not wish any one ill. I complete my daily tasks in a manner by which, if I die the next moment, I will not have any regrets. And I live in happiness of the moment. Every moment in our life is death of previous second passed and a possibility for the coming second. The tick in the clock is reminder of life and death dancing in a loving embrace. Where one ends, the other begins.

We come into this world alone and helpless and we die in the same manner. It is quirk of nature that in between these milestones we creat billions of connections and weave an intricate web of Karma. We assign people or external factors to be the master of our destiny. Bestow ownership of our joy and grief in the mercy of others. I believe we are entitled to a choice. The miracle of being a human is to be able assert our choices. And I wish to choose HAPPINESS every time over, even in the face of grief , heartbreaks, setbacks, pain and loss.

I choose to see light, in the dancing butterflies, the fiery clouds on a traffic packed road, amidst beautiful saree and innumerable medicines, between hospitals and shopping malls, with friends who nurses the soul and doctors who’ve become friends.  I choose to not hold anyone responsible for my happiness. Fir my choices are mine and I take responsibility for my life. Life taught me that your closest of relations cannot die with you, however much they care. Hence one needs to learn to live with happiness with oneself , however difficult is the surrounding. I live on my own terms with the courage of a soul who has kissed life and came back. I do not compromise on my joie de vivre and I do not shy away from the struggles of life.

With utmost humility and gratitude filled heart, I thank the Universe to allow me to live the life I lead. I have prayers and best wishes for every soul that have crossed my path and those who have not. And I live to sing the hymn of Miracle of the Universe. To all of you who have battled life with fierceness of a warrior, who have been care givers and have the fraternity of support system for warriors like us - Thank you for making this world a better place.

Yours always,

Pocket full of life