Hello Dearest Reader,
Half of this year has now settled down in our memories. Time, I have heard, is relative but then it has a tendency to unabashedly fly past us in jet set speed. I hope you had loads of amazing adventures while the sun was swooning over the northern hemisphere. I on the other hand took a journey inward. Let’s call it growing into being.
It was a slow month for me. Summer was harsh and I was literally counting days for the first rains to soak my soul. My boy was back with us to spend his summer break before he starts his sophomore year at college. My work kept me reasonably occupied and my man was neck deep under his share of load. I had long chats with my girlfriends and was able to spend some quality time with family. To sum it up all, it was low key, winding and routine June days. But the most of my doze of adventures came while I looked inward and watched my health with keen curiosity.
As I stepped into my perimenopause I realised my body and mind are both shifting gears. Life has been extremely kind to turn me health conscious. As a woman (a realisation which came in pretty late in life) I should have been more vain about my external appearances but I felt the first changes in my bones, literally. My joints creaked and moaned as I went along my day. My work out which always felt a drag, had become a necessity. It helped me move through the day with ease. My last meal is now around sun set. Late night meals don’t make me feel happy. My love for has intensified but portion size has taken a downward dip. Too much coffee near to sundown keeps me owl eyed. Alcohol has become synonymous to poison. Oily & spicy food I love but my capacity to consume chillies has taken a drastic hit. My hots for pickles now contribute to my bloating and has taken space back of the shelf.
I watched as my hair thinned and streaks of grey shone through. My skin turned patchy. Nails got brittler and my veins surfaced like tribal art. My sleep became my vitamin. Post 10.30 pm, it felt criminal to keep my body awake. After 8.30 pm my eyes put on a dead man gaze and I looked like an avatar straight from hell. My night skin routine (I hate it) has become integral to my life. The dark circles and drooping laughter lines have embraced me as their own. Aches from head to toe surfaces unwanted and uncalled without any reason or rhyme. But no complaints. Ageing gracefully, I learnt needs effort and gritted teeth as you sail towards you sunset years. I want to be fashionably old with red lipstick, high heels and a sassier smile.
But what was more drastic & dramatic was the metamorphosis that occurred internally. I stopped holding space for those who didn’t have any space for me in their lives. I decided not to walk through doors where I’m not valued. I drew my boundaries without raising voice. I learnt to say “No” without guilt. I emotionally distanced myself from relationships which exploited me.Invested my time in pursuits that fed my soul. I took ownership of my dreams and started dreaming unapologetically. I stopped chasing either fame or power. I nourished myself by helping folks irrespective of whether they realised it or not but stopped when I was taken for granted. I am becoming kinder and more patient but I have stopped giving into toxic dramas. My peace of mind is my holy grail which I am not compromising at any cost. I voice my irritation consciously without remorse and withdraw from situations which adds no value. I am at that phase of my life where my plants, my dog, my books, my morning coffee and my prayers top my priority list.
I guess age does that to you. You finally arrive! As I healed - my equations with my inner circle changed. I have started cherishing my time with my parents, knowing I may not have many more years with them. My son is slowly turning into a person who I rely on and solicit advice. I’m coming in terms to having differences of opinion with him and respecting that. I’m finding a friend in my husband and soulmates in my friends. But the most surreal change which I noticed was I being at ease with myself and finding solace in solitude.
My dearest reader I hope at some point in your life you would realise that you probably would not have all that you wanted and that your wants would also change with time. However whoever has touched you in this life has been precious and very yours. You can walk ahead with gratitude and humility knowing that the journey has probably given you way beyond what you’ve ever dreamt of and taken from you what’s irreplaceable. But then that’s what life is all about!
You take care. Till we meet again with another story.
Always yours,
Pocket full of life
No comments:
Post a Comment