Hello my dearest Reader,
How have you been? A month and more since I last wrote to you and of course I have reason that kept me away from reaching out. But before I get into that, I wanted to wish you cheers of the season. The northern half of the earth has leaned into darkness and colder weather. My part of the world is pleasantly warm, though we locals still to try to pry some winter out of Mumbai. A year surreptitiously past us by. Globally a lot has changed. countries shifted gear, a lot changed in my life too and I think it’s time to shift gear.
As I look back to the months that flew past, there had been many merry memories and some which made me hyperventilate. January saw me paragliding in Kamshet. February dragged me to my Krishna in Vrindavan. March ensured that I am able to visit Maha Kumbh and more than that I spent a lovely time with family and made family out of folks I barely knew. My aunt in law and the family she gifted me is one of the highlights of this year. April I went to my home away from home Bikshthang in Sikkim. This time with one of my girls and the quiet we spent together was special.
In between, I changed nest, my 18 year old appeared for his school leaving, did a havan at my new nest, coped with lack of helping hands, my father in law who occupies predominantly a large part of my heart fell severely ill, and my son left for his freshman year at Savannah. My dad had health hiccups which got me worried sick and ensured that I flew to Kolkata in July just to spend some time with him. My brother literally SOSed me to come back home.
August was tough. It is life changing as a mother when your child flies the nest. I pride myself to be not too clingy and mothers of sons know there’s not much use trying to hang on to the boys. They are independent creatures made of monosyllables. Saying it it’s unimaginable as to how much of our life and time we spend on nurturing them to adulthood. We flew to New York to spend some family time before dropping our boy to his University. Between me and my man, spent the 1st week of September savouring historic district of Savannah and gorging on awesome food. The city is beautiful and gifted us with some of the best memories.
I was pulled back to NY for work and then flew to Toronto to wrap my work tour. In between family, friends and colleagues the whirlwind trip kept me on my toes and in and out of my suitcase. When I came back it was Durga Puja time. My community was all geared to usher the mother Goddess in all its splendor and it was so much fun attending to pujas and cooking the bhog during five days of festivities with neighbors, friends and colleagues. And I did land up buying a few gorgeous sarees even though I told myself a thousand times that I would never indulge.
October was extremely busy at work and we had visitors and brainstorming sessions and lunch meeting which rolled in like waves. In between I managed to fly back to Kolkata to celebrate my dad’s 80th. Both my father & father in law was stable health wise by then. But November caught me off guard. A stray regular health check up found my heart was not functioning right. Too much of love clogged it a bit and new highways were required to be built around it so that I can love life fully but tad more sensibly. My OT stars shone bright and I underwent an open heart by-pass surgery bypassing all the guilt and grief that we keep storing as we storm through life.
I waited long enough to write to you so that I can tell you I’m doing fine. I’m raring to embrace the brand new year but also wanted to share a few life lessons I learnt along the way. Don’t horde your grief, it takes a toll on your body. I am a living proof. Do for others but don’t overdo. It’s sure shot recipe for disappointments. Stretching yourself is great, but learning to pause is a tool you need to embrace. Be kind, but first to yourself. We create monsters as we traverse life. They have their purpose and they hold us good when we need them to see us through. But there’s a time when we should let them go. Please be careful and let go off those versions of yourself which do not make much sense today. Love deeply but know all love will not be reciprocated with the same intensity. What you know to be true and hold deep in your soul might not be the truth for someone else. Hence love those who love you through thick and thin. Be there for people who not only had the courage to witness your pain but held your hands as you gritted your way through it.
My 76 year old mom came to my rescue when I was down. My husband of 20 years spent sleepless nights when I was getting operated, my 18 year old came most days to spent time with me at the hospital, my brother flew in just to be with me during the surgery, my friends family, neighbours and colleagues dropped by, messaged and ensured that I sail through the tough time. So pray know your circle. Universe gives us one. Cherish it. But also know your body is yours, your pain is yours, your struggle to get back on your two feet will only be yours. So for God’s sake love yourself. Be kind to yourself.
I realised Eat, Pray, Love is a not just a flick - the name more or less summarise life itself. I wish you great health, new adventures and the wisdom to know when to pause in the coming year. From mine to yours…have a great 365 days ahead! I will see you with Series 4 of my letters in the coming year.
Always yours,
Pocket full of life
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